Stephanie van Rossum
Founder CoResolvers
I have a love-hate relationship with groups. I was bullied as a child. I didn’t understand why. Whatever I did, I apparently did just the wrong thing. Now I know that every group needs a scapegoat. A scapegoat often represents a voice that is difficult to hear. As a child, I was both uninhibited and went my own way, even if it meant swimming against the tide. On the other hand, like everyone else, I wanted to belong to the group. That didn’t always work out.
At the HEAO (higher professional education), I myself was the bully for a short period; anything was better than being bullied myself. Sofie-Ann was the scapegoat. And indeed, it didn’t matter what she did. Everything was a reason to find her stupid. She too was different from the group. Older, came from abroad, already lived together. Actually a fascinating woman. But hey, she was very different from the group. And for a moment it felt good to be a leader instead of a scapegoat.
Everyone has both the role of bully and the role of victim within them
I am not proud of that period and yet it was so educational (in retrospect). Because everyone has both roles in them. And how that works in a group continues to fascinate me. That group dynamic, the patterns, what the mainstream is and which voices are not heard. What makes one team successful and the other not? And what role does the leader play in this?
I have been searching for a long time for the answer to the question ‘how can everyone in a group be heard, how can everyone get a place in the group?’ I have often felt like an idealist, a naive person living in a Zonnatura world. Until Deep Democracy came my way and I finally had answers to my questions.
My grip: the structure that Deep Democracy offers in combination with the idea that wisdom resides in everyone.
I have now used Deep Democracy in many places, with many teams and assignments. Both as a facilitator and a leader:
In my role as project leader at an academic hospital, I was responsible for the purchase and implementation of a Learning Management System. At one point, in the run-up to the European tender, we had to submit a list of requirements and wishes. Previous attempts had failed before my time. Because how do you do that when you are dealing with 6 directorates and 10 care divisions, all of which have their own – often conflicting – interests?
Eventually, I organized a session. We sit with 30 people in a meeting room at a large oval table. I feel the time pressure (we have 2 hours), the expectant and also combative looks (“I won’t give in!”). My interest: to arrive at a supported list and preferably within these 2 hours. My grip: the structure that Deep Democracy offers in combination with the idea that wisdom resides in everyone. The result: a list of 100 requirements supported by everyone and which has never been part of a discussion since.
Struggle of managers is a feast of recognition
To now be able to guide leaders in this with CoResolvers is a celebration. A celebration to do and also a feast of recognition in the struggle of the participants. How can I take my leadership and give everyone a voice at the same time? How do I deal with my conviction? How do I maintain speed in decision-making? Who am I as a manager if I don’t know the answer?
In everything I do, I work with what ‘is’. I follow the group but also interpret what I see. Ask questions, lovingly confront, taking the lead in vulnerability.
I am grateful for my bullying past. That’s where my desire to work with groups started. And the fact that I can do this together with others is great. Because, together we know more than one. Each of us is good at our profession, but together we are better.
